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25 CRAZY JAMAICAN WAYS TO DIE @duttyberryshow


Welcome to the DuttyBerryShow blog, I hope that you have been enjoying the blogs thus far and I thank you for the support. Now dat mi get all a dat decent stuff out di way, let’s get to the meat of the matter.   As I sat in my couch watching the news I thought to myself what would be some funny and crazy Jamaican ways to ‘kick the bucket’. After consulting with my friend Courtney, I came up with these 25 ways. Enjoy! Live and laugh!

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1) You disrespected a police officer and somehow a bullet from the officer’s gun ends up in your head.  The police, after conducting a few seconds of investigation will conclude that a shootout ensued and that the other members of your gang escaped in nearby bushes.

2) You decided to ‘tek a gal man’ and she found out and decided to ‘daaab yuh wid acid’ while you were getting your hair done on Princess Street Downtown.

3) You were so hot, that it became unbearable to stand in one spot. As you walked off to wine, Roger Clarke fell from the sky and smashed you to pieces.

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4) You were disobedient at a street dance. You did not raise your hands when the selector yelled, “All a di man dem from yuh know seh yuh straight put yuh hand ina di air.”

5) You followed Kartel’s advice and took penis because you thought it was easy.  The penis was enormous and caused your vaginal walls to erupt.

6) You told a badman to go and ‘labba juice’ (suck) his mother.

7) You tried to follow the bus conductor and skillfully ‘bail out’ of the coaster bus. You missed a step, tripped and slammed into the ground.

8) Your mother finally decided to carry out her favorite threat to you. For example,”Mi a go knock out yuh brain ino pickney.”

9) Cliff Twang told you that “nobody can cross it” but you ignored his warning, tried to get across, and got washed away in ‘many water like Hellshire’.

10) You saw Lisa Hanna up close and her awesomeness was just too overwhelming to handle.  Just as you had a little hope of survival she whispered in your ears with her Toni Braxton like voice and you just fainted and died.

11) You went to buy a cheese patty.  The worker told you that the patties would be ready in 3 minutes. Two hours later, the worker returns to tell you 5 more minutes. You fall to the floor. The autopsy revealed that you died of starvation.

12) You decided to cut your expenses by attempting to ‘bridge’ light. While doing so a bolt of lightning struck you. Involuntarily causing you to do the Harlem shake before collapsing.

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13) Upon receiving your JPS light bill you got a sudden heart attack because it was just so high.

14) While at a dance you heard your jam playing and felt compelled to transform into a sketel and jump from a speaker box and land in a split. However while jumping, you lost your balance and landed head first.

15) You went to the ‘Gully-Side’ and spray painted the wall “FREE WERL BOSS”

16) You wore your PNP shirt on the wrong lane in Mountain View during election season.

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17) After watching the All Angles bleaching documentary, you opted to emulate Bobbette and ‘rub off’ your first, second and third layers.  Because your cream was so powerful your skin began to ‘buss’ until your body combusted.

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18) In Half Way Three celebrating Jamaica’s 4 *100 meter win. The crowd got a bit too excited and you got trampled in a stampede.

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19) Having sex to ‘Dye Dye’ and upon your 51st orgasm after you got twisted, you stopped breathing because you body was not used to such extreme pleasure.

20) You tried to end a relationship with a policeman.

21) You went to St.Thomas and offended an Obeah man.

22) You died of old age waiting on the Reggae Boyz to qualify for another World Cup.

23) Running towards the scene of a shootout and a bullet ‘bax yuh cross yuh face’.

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24) As an amateur in the kitchen, you tried to prepare the national dish and  ‘di ackee poison yuh’ because you forced some open.

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25) You followed too many of RDX’s instructions. Jumping, ‘kotching’, ‘broading out’ and bending over. One day, as you proceeded to bend over and ‘touch toe’ you pulled a muscle, cricked your back, crashed to the floor and had a slow and embarrassing death.

THANKS FOR READING THIS BLOG. REMEMBER TO RATE, COMMENT AND SHARE. Checkout my vlog on YouTube ‘DuttyBerry Show’ and keep posted. Live and laugh.

Forced Out: Story of a Gay Jamaican Teen


Strikingly bold yet sedate eyes move frantically around the room seemingly fishing for something missing.  His clothes stretch across his noticeably altered skin.  He glides towards the door as his hands caress his fastidiously braided hair.  He is not the stereotypical Jamaican male.  He doesn’t want to be.  He is a courageous young man clutching to a relationship with his family while learning to adjust to the consequences of having an unpopular identity.

At 19, Keive Dyre is a humble, hopeful, humanistic Jamaican homosexual.  In a country in which males are easily and openly rejected for any public portrayal of a perceived ‘deviant’ lifestyle, he is somehow brave enough to reject social norms and embrace his ‘true’ identity.

Born and raised in Salem, a relatively small community in St. Ann, Keive grew to appreciate family life and develop a sense of independence and responsibility from an early age.  His mother, Carlene Moodie, has five children; each with a different father.  With no stable father figure present, Ms. Moodie had to assume the role of a single parent.  “She had to struggle to make ends meet especially being a mom with five kids. Dad assisted financially but not always,” explained Keive.

In 1999, five year old Keive experienced his first major dramatic incident.  The place he had called home was burnt to the ground, forcing the family to move to his grandmother’s house.  To this day the cause of the fire is unknown.  The family stayed there for approximately three years until his mom was able to stand on her own again.  Ms. Moodie stated, “I did have to stay till I could buy back few furniture and find a new place to rent…Wen mi lef grandma him a did bout eight”.

During his childhood, Keive remembers sharing wonderful moments with his family.  “I was a jovial and outspoken child…I lived like the average child.  I played nuff games and had a free spirit,” shared Keive.  He adds that the only thing he did that may be considered ‘different’ was to participate in ‘female’ games such as dolly house and dandy shandy.  He maintains that his gender bending behavior was never seriously addressed by his mom.  “Mommy did jus laugh wen mi gwan like girl and stuff…she and my sister found it entertaining,” revealed Keive.  His father, on the contrary, was never amused by it.  He recalls a conversation he had with his dad in which he asked his father to purchase additional underwear.  His father replied “panty or brief”.  Keive laughed.  “I distinctly remember him telling me dat mi gwaan like too much gal and dat any day him hear seh mi gay him a go kill mi,” disclosed Keive.

The relaxed and fun relationship Keive had with his mom was something his other siblings envied.  “They laughed like best friends. They were inseparable. If dem di any closer dem wuda be conjoined twins,” shared Keive’s eldest sister, Michele.  “I rememba dis one time me and mum did a chat dis woman from down di road bout how she smell bad.  Fun times,” shared Keive.  In addition to conversing about trivial subject matters he remembers discussing with his mom his dreams, getting out of poverty and developing a strong sense of self.

At 13, while attending Ochi Rios High School, Keive’s sexual identity began to develop.  He started having feelings for other boys and desperately tried to come to grips with his emotions.  “I liked girls enuh but my heart was never really with any of them,” revealed Keive.  As he progressed through high school, he met other gay teens, gained friendships and started dating.  He states that he would often regret having feelings for boys.  “I would never even wish this life on my worst enemy…jus coming to terms with yourself is extremely draining,” stated Keive.  He argues that he never viewed himself as a misfit.  He simply wanted to function as a normal teen. His only concern was disappointing his family and having to deal with people’s reactions.  Losing his mother’s support was never a primary issue.  “I know my mom.  I knew if she found out her greatest problem would be others harming me,” divulged Keive.  On the flipside, he vehemently worried about his father knowing of his sexuality.  “Mi kno seh if he found out, he would stop financing me”.  So as a precaution, he masqueraded as a heterosexual around his family and community members to avoid scrutiny.

However, this did not end up happening, as things took and unexpected turn.  After returning from church one day, his mother greeted him at the door with his diary in hand.  He was speechless.  His diary held captive his daily activities, tales of all his relationships and confirmation of his sexuality. That night the closet crumbled leaving him open to the world.  “Da night deh, I’m not gonna lie I was upset…Mi did always have a feeling but just seeing di proof like dat…I just wasn’t prepared,” revealed his mom.  Keive added, “My mom and sister were very upset. They yelled, cried and mom even threatened to tell my father if I didn’t stop being gay”.  Not once during the confrontation did Keive speak.  “Him jus stand up wid dis sad look pon him face,” shared Michele.  It wasn’t until bedtime that tears rushed from his eyes as he recapped the day’s events.  After a few tense days, life at home returned to normal the following week.  “Wi jus reason wid him and tell him we love him sameway and wi soon realize dat he was the same lazy boy,” shared Ms. Moodie.

Now that he and his mom had regained their relationship, the only other person to confront was his father Raymond.  After leaving high school, gaining employment and moving out of his mom’s home, Keive prepared to break the news to his dad who had just migrated to the United States.  He decided to send him a text message.  “I jus got up and sent him a three word text “I am gay,” stated Keive.  In less than a minute his father responded, “Thanks for the truth”.  Understandably, Keive was quite surprised by his father’s seemingly positive reaction.  Never in a million years would he have expected such a sincere answer.

Today, Keive enjoys a harmonious and honest relationship with his mother and siblings.  “We are the closest we have ever been,” expressed Keive.  He mentions that he communicates with his mother daily and for the first time, is able to discuss his relationships with her; something he finds a bit cumbersome.  Contrastingly, he is yet to develop such a bond with his father.  “My father never calls.  We speak like every six months or so and I’m the one who always calls,” shared Keive.  He describes the conversations as brief and forced.  Still he wishes to have his father’s support.  He shares, “I know it must be hard for him to deal with having a gay son but I would love to have him in my life.  I don’t need society to approve of me; I would rather to have family. I’m not a rapist or some demon child… I just want him to see that I’m an intelligent and ambitious young man who wants nothing more than to make him proud.”