Welcome to the DuttyBerryShow blog, I hope that you have been enjoying the blogs thus far and I thank you for the support. Now dat mi get all a dat decent stuff out di way, let’s get to the meat of the matter. As I sat in my couch watching the news I thought to myself what would be some funny and crazy Jamaican ways to ‘kick the bucket’. After consulting with my friend Courtney, I came up with these 25 ways. Enjoy! Live and laugh!
1) You disrespected a police officer and somehow a bullet from the officer’s gun ends up in your head. The police, after conducting a few seconds of investigation will conclude that a shootout ensued and that the other members of your gang escaped in nearby bushes.
2) You decided to ‘tek a gal man’ and she found out and decided to ‘daaab yuh wid acid’ while you were getting your hair done on Princess Street Downtown.
3) You were so hot, that it became unbearable to stand in one spot. As you walked off to wine, Roger Clarke fell from the sky and smashed you to pieces.
4) You were disobedient at a street dance. You did not raise your hands when the selector yelled, “All a di man dem from yuh know seh yuh straight put yuh hand ina di air.”
5) You followed Kartel’s advice and took penis because you thought it was easy. The penis was enormous and caused your vaginal walls to erupt.
6) You told a badman to go and ‘labba juice’ (suck) his mother.
7) You tried to follow the bus conductor and skillfully ‘bail out’ of the coaster bus. You missed a step, tripped and slammed into the ground.
8) Your mother finally decided to carry out her favorite threat to you. For example,”Mi a go knock out yuh brain ino pickney.”
9) Cliff Twang told you that “nobody can cross it” but you ignored his warning, tried to get across, and got washed away in ‘many water like Hellshire’.
10) You saw Lisa Hanna up close and her awesomeness was just too overwhelming to handle. Just as you had a little hope of survival she whispered in your ears with her Toni Braxton like voice and you just fainted and died.
11) You went to buy a cheese patty. The worker told you that the patties would be ready in 3 minutes. Two hours later, the worker returns to tell you 5 more minutes. You fall to the floor. The autopsy revealed that you died of starvation.
12) You decided to cut your expenses by attempting to ‘bridge’ light. While doing so a bolt of lightning struck you. Involuntarily causing you to do the Harlem shake before collapsing.
13) Upon receiving your JPS light bill you got a sudden heart attack because it was just so high.
14) While at a dance you heard your jam playing and felt compelled to transform into a sketel and jump from a speaker box and land in a split. However while jumping, you lost your balance and landed head first.
15) You went to the ‘Gully-Side’ and spray painted the wall “FREE WERL BOSS”
16) You wore your PNP shirt on the wrong lane in Mountain View during election season.
17) After watching the All Angles bleaching documentary, you opted to emulate Bobbette and ‘rub off’ your first, second and third layers. Because your cream was so powerful your skin began to ‘buss’ until your body combusted.
18) In Half Way Three celebrating Jamaica’s 4 *100 meter win. The crowd got a bit too excited and you got trampled in a stampede.
19) Having sex to ‘Dye Dye’ and upon your 51st orgasm after you got twisted, you stopped breathing because you body was not used to such extreme pleasure.
20) You tried to end a relationship with a policeman.
21) You went to St.Thomas and offended an Obeah man.
22) You died of old age waiting on the Reggae Boyz to qualify for another World Cup.
23) Running towards the scene of a shootout and a bullet ‘bax yuh cross yuh face’.
24) As an amateur in the kitchen, you tried to prepare the national dish and ‘di ackee poison yuh’ because you forced some open.
25) You followed too many of RDX’s instructions. Jumping, ‘kotching’, ‘broading out’ and bending over. One day, as you proceeded to bend over and ‘touch toe’ you pulled a muscle, cricked your back, crashed to the floor and had a slow and embarrassing death.
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